When Confronted with Myths (or How To Get Rid of a Clingy Girlfriend)
by SerendipitousPixel
Summary: In which the Doctor and Rose go to Camp Half Blood and the former tries to rid himself of the latter in any way possible. (An old story I found the other day). Warning: characters may be OOC. Read at your own peril. Also, shameless Rose-bashing
1. Step 1

**_A/N (2017):  
I discovered this in the depths of my tablet, from 2014, and decided I might as well post it here. Apologies for past-me's writing._**

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 **A/N:  
My retaliation to an excess of TenRose (thanks, sis). Shameless Rose-bashing. Sorry-not-sorry.  
Inspired by Moffat: ****"You have to hand it to the Doctor for dumping a slightly needy girlfriend by palming her off on a copy of himself. He tried leaving her in a parallel universe, and that didn't work."  
In other words, another way the 10** **th** **Doctor could've got rid of Rose.**

 **Obviously, some of the characters are OOC.**

 **Disclaimer:** ** _Doctor Who_** **and** ** _PJO_** **aren't mine. Unfortunately… The rights must have got lost in the post (like the Harry Potter ones).**

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 **Step 1: Land in Camp Half Blood**

Rose had been pestering him to go off camping for ages. This morning was no exception:

The Doctor stumbled into the kitchen of the TARDIS and began to make himself a cup of heavily-caffeinated tea (racing around the Lambda-Hyperion system with no shoes all night had taken its toll, but he'd needed some alone time). The girl in question was already sitting at the table with a bowl of cereal.

When she noticed him, she began her chattering 'Doctor, you've promised we could go camping six times now.' Had he? Damnit. '… and we never have. Please? I just want some normal non-alien countryside for a change? You can pick the year an' all. You see, when I was in Year 10* we did our DofE* and went camping in – Dorking*, I think it was? – and it was great fun. Me and my mate Shareen, we- ' Normally her mindless chatter would've washed over him but today it was grating.

'Of course. Why don't we go for near future? America sound good? I know this great spot in Yellowstone Park, beautiful views. Virginia Woolf and I once got caught up with some Axons there, but afterwards we ended up camping and it was brilliant. You know…' The Doctor went in at the right moment and played his part of enthusiastic alien friend (or was it more than friend? By the number of times they'd kissed it probably was, he realised) like he always did, although his hearts weren't in it.

An hour or two later Rose had finally dressed and they were in the console room. The Doctor flicked a couple of switches, pressed a few buttons and pulled a few levers and gave a final wiggle of the zigzag plotter (not strictly necessary, but a nice flourish) and the TARDIS started to rasp its way through time and space.

Soon enough they materialised on a hill. Eagerly, dragging a massive rucksack (presumably full of tent) Rose dashed out. The Doctor followed, and breathed an inward sigh of relief – they'd arrived exactly where he'd intended.

Rose turned to him in confusion, indicating the mass of Greek-style buildings below them. 'Doctor, where are we? I've never exactly been there, but I know enough to know that this isn't Yellowstone.'

In his usual charade, he inhaled deeply and answered immediately 'Friday 28th August 2011, two minutes past three in the afternoon… Somewhere in the New York, probably Long Island. This seems familiar for some reason.' Of course it did – he had visited Camp Half Blood frequently over the past few hundred years.

Landing here was all part of his (OK, hasty but still very clever with lots of backups) plan to get rid of Rose - it didn't have to be permanent, necessarily, but a break at least was necessary for him to maintain his sanity.

It was twelve minutes later that they were first spotted (twelve minutes filled with whining, three attempted kisses – and one successful one – and incessant complaints from his companion as well as an impossibly fast explanation from him. Honestly, humans were so slow sometimes.), by a tanned and athletic teenager of around 16, with a shock of black hair and sea-green eyes. The Doctor presumed this was the famous Percy Jackson that Chiron had gone on about last time they met.

'How did you get in?' he asked shortly, almost menacingly. The Doctor noted that his hand went almost instinctively to his right pocket, where a suspiciously normal pen was sitting. A quick scan confirmed that it was unnaturally high in deitic energy (what the demigods would probably call magic) – it probably turned into something weapon-y. Maybe a sword. The demigods were known for their violent methods, after all.

'We were just walking along, our transport…. broke down over there.' supplied Rose, gesturing vaguely at the TARDIS.

'Not you,' the demigod said tersely. He pointed behind the pair. ' _Them_.'

The Doctor turned around and noticed about a dozen cyclopes about a hundred feet behind them.

'Oh.'

 _*9_ _th_ _Grade to all Americans out there.  
DofE (Duke of Edinburgh award) is like this challenge that lots of teenagers do. A part of it is walking at least 24 km (about 15 miles) in 2 days and camping over night in the wild. I'm not sure if they have it over there?  
Dorking is a place in Surrey (that's the county south of London) with lots of countryside.  
I think that's all the cultural notes ;-)_

 **A/N:  
Thank you for reading, and do review. I'll probably post the next chunk every couple of days - if I remember.**


	2. Step 2

**A/N:  
Yeah, when I say I'll post the next chapter in a few days, I mean a few weeks... Sorry**

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 **Step 2: Make sure there are lots of hungry monsters in the vicinity**

'Get behind me.' The demigod ordered. The Doctor decided for once not to argue – maybe he was getting old at last.

The demigod (the Doctor decided that referring to him as that was getting dull, so he hedged his bets and went with Percy Jackson. He matched the description at least) drew out his pen. Just as the Doctor had guessed, when the cap was removed it seemed to grow into long bronze Grecian sword.

Almost instantaneously, Percy launched himself over to where the Cyclopes were standing. By Rose's surprised sort of squeak, the movement had been too quick for her to follow. The Doctor thanked his – naturally superior - Time Lord senses as he observed the fight:

Percy had a sword at the throat of the first Cyclops but he seemed to be hesitating – to the Doctor's eyes at least. The Doctor wondered why; as far as he knew, the demigods did not have the qualms that he himself did when it came to murder. Why would the Cyclopes be different?

Oh well, it didn't matter now. By the time he had started paying attention to the fight again, all but five of the Cyclopes had burst into a sort of golden powder. He'd need to get hold of some of that to analyse later - presumably it was some sort of high-pressure conglomeration of the atomised monster (due to the deitic energy, he supposed) bonded with a sulphur compound.

The Doctor was usually an extremely observant man, which was why it was surprising when he somehow failed to notice Rose being kidnapped by the one remaining Cyclops. (Although perhaps not so surprising when you realised that he had had over 900 years to hone his acting skills and this was the perfect opportunity to rid himself of his clingy companion).

It would have worked, too – Percy was occupied by some sort of big bull thing that had just appeared, so he didn't even hear the whole 'Surrender or the girl dies' thing in the first place (nicely avoiding the whole hero complex thing the demigod had going on, the Doctor noted).

Of course, Rose had to cry out 'Doctor!' pleadingly (and extremely loudly), so he had to acknowledge her. Damn.

He still could've done it – could've ignored her, or pretended to be unable to rescue her (he was pretty good at coming up with 'I'm so so sorry' speeches spur of the moment after all), but he made the mistake of looking at her properly. She looked so helpless and desperate, so of course his conscience kicked in.

Cursing his moral compass, the Doctor set his sonic screwdriver to the right frequency and jammed it into a convenient amp he had sitting in his pocket (honestly, you never know when you might need a very loud noise). It was a long shot, but he'd heard stories about the sensitivity of Cyclopes' ears (it was all Orpheus ever talked about that one time they met) – sure enough, the Cyclops dropped Rose in favour of slamming his hands over his ears and spouting profanity that would have made Arion blush (yes, he'd had a run-in with the infamous horse before as well –and that was not an experience he was anxious to repeat).

Unfortunately, human ears were just as susceptible to the sound and as soon as Rose was released, she collapsed unconscious (and now he'd have to carry her. She might not have looked it, but the Doctor knew from experience that Rose was extremely heavy).

Fortunately, giant bulls that don't seem to be able to die from 'magic' swords are equally susceptible to unconsciousness when confronted with that sort of noise. The Doctor watched, interested, as the massive bull collapsed onto the ground where Percy had been a split-second before. Percy promptly stabbed the bull in the mouth a couple of times for good measure and watched as its massive form trickled slowly into yellow dust.

'What the heck was that noise?' asked Percy irritably as he stomped over, stabbing the remaining Cyclops and then massaging his temples (headache, the Doctor guessed).

'My screwdriver on an extremely high frequency.' The Doctor explained, going with the short explanation for quite possibly the first time in his life as he scooped up Rose from the floor

'But screwdrivers aren't meant to make that noise. Not normal ones, at least, and you can't be a Hephaestus camper so it isn't like you just made it.' He paused and then added 'unless you're Hephaestus?' somewhat doubtfully.

Ah yes, Hephaestus – god of forges, blacksmiths and apparently screwdrivers. 'Nope. Met him once though.' replied the Doctor cheerfully. 'Quite a funny story, that one. You see, I was just-'

Percy cut him off. He seemed to realise that if he didn't the Doctor would go off on at least an hour-long tangent. 'Who are you?' he asked.

'The Doctor.'

'What are you?'

The Doctor was tiring quickly – Rose was exceptionally heavy. (Had he mentioned that?) – so he decided to tell the truth: 'I'm a 900 year old alien with two hearts and I travel through time and space – but mostly to 21st Century Britain, hence the accent... Though I can do Scottish too' he added brightly.

The demigod rolled his eyes. 'You're mad.'

'Yep.' grinned the Doctor, flashing his trademark slightly-crazy-but-still-dashingly-handsome smile. 'But I also have an unconscious 19 year old who's extremely heavy, so if you could just take her to the infirmary?'

Percy reluctantly agreed and set off down the hill, the Doctor following right behind and exclaiming every few seconds 'Ooh, they've added/changed/got rid of/rotated the insert building here. I don't like it.'

When they finally reached the Big House, the Doctor spotted Chiron (immersed as usual in a game of Pinochle with someone the Doctor thought looked a bit like Dionysus) and bounded over to him. He greeted the centaur enthusiastically and promptly dragged him (metaphorically, of course - the Doctor didn't want to imagine how Chiron would take to being physically dragged) away from the game for a 'catch up'.


End file.
